For those of you that don’t already know about a month ago Travis started farming in Inwood with my father. We have another change in our family which I will announce this morning in church.. It has been a long journey to get to this fork in the road and to decide what was best. As we traveled this road we were allowed to really learn to seek God and that led us to..
Upon deep soul searching and prayerful consideration of what God has planned for our family’s future, we feel called to now minister differently. I wanted to let you all know that I have resigned from fulltime ministry at Bethel. After a long and focused time of seeking after God’s will in our family’s life and for the amazing kids I work with, I have come to a firm belief that this new move will be best for both our church and my family. I will be able to serve my family more freely and fully. And Bethel will be able to seek a new person who fits their current and growing needs. I deeply love Bethel and have expressed my willingness to help out as needed until the position is filled or other plans made. Our current plan is to work until August 1. This will allow for attendance of the serve trips we have committed to, assisting in summer plans & preparing for Fall schedule, and any transition work needed for God’s next plan for this Youth Ministry.
Those are the facts surrounding this change. More deeply these last months have been grueling as I sought after what God’s will could be at the new stage in our lives. Being a youth pastor has been one of the most rewarding and challenging experiences of my life. Now also, being a mom is the most life changing and amazing experiences that God has blessed us with. After exploring this combination for a year, I found myself discontent with my balancing act. I continually felt that I was either shorting ministry or shorting my family. I love both of these parts of my life so dearly that I can’t do that to any of my amazing kids (my baby or my church kids). In my heart I felt like I was not able to do my best and set out on the journey of how I could get back to that. It felt like I was with Israel wondering in the desert, always going somewhere but not getting anywhere. It was in this valley of realizing my limits in serving and searching for God’s will that I slowly learned how to kneel before God and humbly say I cannot do this on my own. I wanted to do my best in everything, but had to admit that I was not able to do that, that that was okay, and find out how God did want me to serve. My heart was torn between being able to be with Alex & Travis or being able to serve my amazing Church kids to the level they deserved. I had to let my heart be okay that I could no longer do this, because God was no longer calling me to do that all. I am always primarily a daughter of my Lord and he has entrusted me to also be a mother to His son. Upon many little details I have come to accept that I can do that best working in a part time ministry. I still get to be a part of God’s great church work but I can do that while feeling like I am fully doing my duty to my family. I had really wanted a pillar of fire to follow or some stone wall writings for direction, but it was more like a gentle whisper to “be still & know” as slowly upon much prayer the pieces would come together. I felt called toward a new direction: when I wanted to be able to get Alex from daycare at night, the desire to feel like I was doing my best in what God had given me, knowing that the soon possibility of another child or moving to the farm would change things also, making sure my visions fit in line with Bethel’s, also a new callings through possible foster care, and other new possibilities. Each time these feelings would come I would instantly end them because I loved my youth group youth group kids too much to leave them. But eventually I had to realize that these new directions were also in line with my fears, because if I really loved the kids & job I felt so called to 5 years ago I would want them to have what was next for them in God’s plan. I really want to share with you how much I grew in this process. I learned how to really bring every thought to God in prayer to give my life at the altar (& leave it there for God to use & direct). God & Bethel Church has blessed me with 5 years of great love & work and now He is also providing us with the promise of new adventures to come! This is still a process for me as I morn what I am losing and an anxiously awaiting & celebrating the plans God has for me next. So I ask you to come beside me and celebrate the past blessings God has showered us all with and work joyfully together as we seek God next steps.
